Waiting for things to sort themselves out

I’ve been on the pill for many years now (before I came off it late last year that is). Before I was on the pill I never really had that much of a “regular” cycle. Or at least I don’t think so. To be honest I don’t really remember. When I was a lot younger, I do remember having my period for about 4 months straight, and then I didn’t have anything for about 6 months. I’m pretty sure that never happened again, but I never really spent a lot of time charting when I got my period. It just sort of popped up, I dealt with it, it went away and then it happened all over again. But back then, I wasn’t in a serious relationship (hell I wasn’t in any relationship), I wasn’t trying to get pregnant, I wasn’t avoiding getting pregnant. I was just existing. So the furthest thing from my mind, was charting when I did and did not get my period, how many days long my cycles were or any of that other palaver.

Now that I’m off the pill though and trying to get pregnant, I really wish I had paid more attention back then, all those years ago. So that I’d have a rough idea of what my cycle was like before I went on the pill and gave myself over to a synthetic, drug based cycle, that I could calculate just by looking at the little packet on my bathroom counter. Because now, I have no idea and it’s driving me crazy!

Admittedly I haven’t been off the pill all that long, and I know that it can take a while for your body to sort itself out again. I’m okay with that. I’m okay with having to wait a few months to get pregnant (okay, that was a lie, I’d really like it to happen – like now!), but I’d really like to have some idea of when I could expect that dreaded time of the month to come around. Currently, I’m sitting at day 38 of my cycle. My doctor has ordered some progestorone blood tests to be taken at days 22 and 26 of my next cycle, but I can’t book in for those yet – because I don’t even know when day 1 is going to be!

I’d love to think that I’m pregnant and that’s why I’m so many days into a cycle, but I did a pregnancy test last Monday, it was negative – and to top it off, I don’t really have any symptoms, so I’m going out on a limb here and say that my body is just being a twat. My body and I are not the best of friends right now. Does it not know that I have plans. That I would like to start taking my temperature every day so that I can work out when I’m ovulating, so that I can plan to put a little intruder into my body just to really play with it? Making me wait this long, is really just nasty and I’m not impressed.

So on one hand, I’m hoping that I don’t get my period and that I might get a positive test if I did one again, but on the other hand, I’m praying that I get a period soon and that my cycle starts to even itself out again. I don’t mind if it’s a 28 day cycle, I don’t mind if it’s a 30 day cycle – and I really don’t mind if it’s a 35 day cycle (hellooooo less periods in a year!), but I would just like some consistency – and soon.

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