My name is Louise* and I’m a 38 year old city girl. I live in Australia and I could be your daughter, sister, aunt, niece or even just a friend. I have worked for the same employer for the last 15 years, know my job very well, and most of the time I like it, if not love it. So what can I say? I’ve been in my comfort zone for quite some time now and quite content to stay there.
The Man and I have been together for 6 years now. We’ve been through a lot of shit times – family stresses and injuries – and we’ve always come out on top. But we’ve also had a lot of great times too. He is my best friend, my favourite person in the whole world. He also has a lovely daughter – we shall call her Princess – and next to The Man, she is the most important thing in my world. I could not imagine my life without either of these two lovelies in it.
I’ve always wanted children. Always. There was a time when I thought I didn’t, but secretly, in a wee secret little corner of my heart, I knew that I really did. I didn’t always want to be a stepmother. I have one of those, and we’re not the closest, but I think in the end, she has made me a better stepmother myself. By being the opposite with Princess as to how my stepmother was with me, I’ve managed to build a great relationship with her, and also I think, to build a better relationship with my stepmother.
So when The Man and I got together, I didn’t make any secret of the fact that I wanted children one day. It was a relationship ender type thing. I was too old to waste my time with men who were just looking for a fun time, or men who didn’t want to settle down and have a family. Because I was at the point that I was ready for that family. Thankfully The Man wanted more children too.
But. The Man really wanted to buy a house first. I understand that. Stability and a home are very important. Sadly, my biological clock was ticking away. I certainly am not getting any younger and my womb isn’t getting any younger either. So for the last two years, I’ve sounded a lot like a broken record – I want to have a baby now, I want to have a baby now. Followed by The Man saying – No we need a house first, no we need a house first. Eventually, late in 2012 I finally had enough. I saw that 37th birthday looming and I couldn’t take it anymore. Point blank I refused to get my pill refilled.
Finally, The Man agreed.
So now here we are trying to have a baby. Charting unfamiliar territory here, of blood tests, and temperature taking and timing sex for the optimal time – all while still trying to be spontaneous and not turn this into one big experiment timed ugly thing – and trying to work out what my monthly cycle actually is! Wish me luck, because I think I’m going to need all of it that I can.
*All names edited to protect the innocent (or guilty).